Rocket Science

A slice of humble pie is on the menu for Olly Mann in this month's column…

- Olly Mann

THE BEST TOYS of your childhood are everybody else’s. When I think back now to the impressive collection of playthings in my playroom (I had a dedicated room, for heaven’s sake), my heart does not start racing. Yes, there was the Matchbox garage passed down from Mum, and my beloved pop-dice game, Frustration, and my vintage toy soldiers and wooden fort. I can visualise these things in detail, so presumably spent many happy hours with them. But it’s only when I get to remembering Ben Walker’s space hopper, or Neil Savla’s rollerskates, or Olly Sloboda’s copy of the board game Mysteries of Old Peking… only then do I feel a true pang of nostalgia. My friends all had cooler toys than me.

Except, of course, they didn’t. Space hoppers look cool, but are only really ridable for three minutes, before you get a sore bum. Mysteries of Old Peking was, frankly, racist, with comedy character names like Han Dee and Sly Lee—although, admittedly, only to the same degree as most TV comedy in those days. And, as for the roller-skates: I made such a fuss about Neil Savla’s pair that my parents got me some for my eighth birthday, adorned with The Real Ghostbusters, and then I promptly fell on my face and was prohibited from using them anywhere except the patio. I convinced myself, if only I’d been gifted a pair of Neil’s Ninja Turtles skates, I would have somehow been on track for Olympic glory. I now see this was apocryphal.