What Are You Longing To Do?

All around us, women are speaking their truths and fulfilling their ambitions: moms battling the scourge of gun violence, trans ladies proudly sharing their stories, strivers putting in the work to become who they’re meant to be. Maybe you, too, have a dream you’d like to chase or a wrong you’re hoping to right. If so, turn the page and prepare to be inspired.

I HAVE THE GREAT fortune of writing a weekly advice column, which means I often get letters from people who want to make a big move (come out to intolerant relatives, say, or end a marriage running on fumes) but need a big push to do it. In describing what they want, these people often label themselves ungrateful or greedy. They close their letters with questions like, “The world is scary and unpredictable right now, so shouldn’t I be satisfied with what I have?” 

I get that. When the melting of polar ice caps is “fake news” and so many of our childhood heroes have become villains, adding more upheaval to the mix can feel absurd. But it’s like quitting alcohol, having your first child, or adopting a spider monkey: There’s never going to be a perfect time. And using excuses to avoid doing the hard thing could mean delaying your truest desires forever. I often tell advice seekers that no matter what’s happening in your life or the world, it can be riskier not to take big leaps than to play it safe. Your future is often more precarious—in terms of your health, financial security, and the strength of your relationships—when you avoid your desires or passions because of your fears.

Though many of my biggest leaps—becoming a writer, buying a house on my own, quitting a dream job gone sour—have paid off, I’m essentially a cautious person who second-guesses every choice, from what city I should live in to whether a rhinestone collar suits my dog. But I still believe in taking chances. And I’ve learned that all risks are much less risky when they’re an expression of your own private religion—the beliefs that matter most to you.