40-Year-Old Virgin?

MOST MEN I speak to really, really, really, really, really* want to be a woman’s first.

- Swapna C

Her first-hand holder. Her first kisser. Her first boyfriend. Her first lover.

And after having plain vanilla sex, they continue to look for firsts. They want to be the first to try a different position, first for a different type of sexual activity, first to introduce kink and so on...

One guy on a dating app told me he wanted to be his partner’s first and “only” even though he was in his 40s. He went on to explain that it was because he felt jealous of his to-be-girlfriend’s past lovers and would continue to feel jealous of her future lovers.

But, what happens if these men can’t find a virgin? To paraphrase the guy seeking a 40-year-old virgin, they want to find someone with the “least” sexual experience. They console themselves by saying things like, “She has only had sex with her husband, so that doesn’t count anymore since she is divorced.”

That is why a common question such men ask widowed or divorced women is “Have you ever dated anyone since your ex?”

They are trying to gauge her level of “experience”, which they look at as a bad thing. To justify their desires to find “virginal” women, some men quote theories like telegony, which holds that the semen of the female’s previous partners can affect the traits of the child with their current partner. Whatever the reason, there are very few men I know who don’t give a damn about a woman’s previous partners.

But, do women also put a premium on finding a man who is sexually inexperienced? Younger women, perhaps.