Is It Just Coffee…? Translation: Is This A Date Or Just Hanging Out?

For years, every American sitcom has told us that coffee is the code for a hookup. That is why characters in newer movies and sitcoms appear confused when an invitation to coffee means just that. In real life, more often than not, planning to meet for a cuppa is about spending time to figure out whether you’d like to meet again.

- Swapna C

No wonder 40-something copywriter Sheila from Mumbai was thoroughly yuckified when she was asked on Tinder whether the meeting would entail hooking up. “Of course I know that Tinder is a dating app. But, I haven’t even spoken to the guy, let alone met. How can I decide immediately after swiping whether I want to get intimate? How dare he make such assumptions?” exclaims an indignant Sheila.

Tinder has a reputation and often newbies are not aware of the expectations of swipe, match and instant hookups! Having said that, nobody who spoke to THE MAN about dating ever did just that. There was always a conversation and at least one date before hooking up even if they did end up doing it on the first date!

DATING VS HOOKUP

SO WHAT is this dating business that has everyone confused? According to Dr Neha, who is in her midforties from Bangalore, “Guys generally use the word date because they feel women are more amenable to the term. Recently, I was speaking to a guy and discussing what each of us wants. When I told him that I was exploring dating, he took it to mean that I was hooking up with multiple guys! Where did the term hooking up come from, I asked. And he asked me what dating meant to me. That’s when I told him that dating is different from hooking up and that I was meeting different guys, to figure out if I could have a relationship with any of them. Then he promptly said that he was also looking to date!”

From this she understood two things, “One is that he used the term dating because women used it and that he knew the difference between the term date and hookup but in his mind they were the same on a dating app.”