Let's Talk About Sex...

Sex, or the lack of it, is no longer the best kept secret of people’s lives. Infidelity isn’t an uncomfortable word and coming out is a celebration. Openness is the new normal.

- Jai Ranjan Ram

IT IS PURE SERENDIPITY that it is 15 years since India Today published its first survey on sex and it is the same number of years that I started working in India as a psychiatrist after relocating from the United Kingdom. Surveys are anonymous, private and tap into collective social attitudes with a wide-angle perspective. My conversations with my patients are quite the opposite. They are personal, intimate and delve deep into their psyche. Talking about sex is not easy, but perhaps, in the comfort of privacy and assured of confidentiality, people do reveal their deepest conflicts, fears and aspirations.

My conversations with those confiding in me reflect changing social norms and values over the years. The first and foremost difference between then and now is the openness with which women now talk about their sexuality and unfulfilled desires, uncommon when I began my work in India 15 years ago. I now meet several women who are not embarrassed to admit they are sexually unhappy with their partners or have relationships outside marriage as they are unfulfilled about the quality of their sexual intimacy with their husbands. They come to me seeking answers, whether they are right or wrong. Conversations which would have been difficult 15 years ago are now conducted candidly and with a refreshing openness.