A week before Christmas last year, Kerry King helped three of her children build gingerbread houses in a prison visitation room in Oklahoma. King wanted to make the holiday special for the kids, even under the circumstances. But as the Black 35-year-old spread frosting on a graham cracker while dressed in her orange jumpsuit, her hair braided for the occasion, the mood still felt bittersweet. Since she was incarcerated six years earlier, her kids could only visit once a month, and soon it would be time to say goodbye.
"Do you love me?" Lilah, 10, the most outgoing of King's children, asked her mother as the visit was ending.
"Of course I do," King answered.
Lilah thought a moment, her brown eyes serious, and then said something that caught King off guard. "Do you still love him?" she asked. "Because if you still love him, I'll never forgive you."
King's heart dropped. Her ex-boyfriend had abused them both, years ago. He was the reason King was in prison now. But her daughter had never said anything like that to her before. And there wasn't enough time to have the long conversation they both craved.
Back in her cell, King agonized over whether a letter to Lilah would suffice. She had been mothering her children over letters and phone calls for too long. No matter what, King wanted to tell her daughter, I love you more than I could have loved anyone else, any man. And you should never, ever have to even consider whether I do.
"I am not guilty," King had said to me over the phone, months before the Christmas visit. "I just wanna go home. I wanna see my kids so bad. It kind of eats you up."
KING HAS SPENT countless nights tossing and turning in her cell, replaying the night that pulled her away from her family. (The following descriptions are confirmed in court records and testimony.)
この記事は Mother Jones の July/August 2022 版に掲載されています。
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