A Teeny Tiny Cringe

There’s a long history of reporting on the royals as if they were nice but dim toddlers.

- Diana Wichtel

Orcs, gumboot throwing and someone setting off an alarm at Government House by overdoing the celebratory loo freshener … royal tours always tell us something about ourselves. This one told us we are a nation of seven-year-olds. Such was the sophisticated schedule organised for the Duke and Duchess of Sussex that the world’s news agencies could scarcely keep up. “Correction,” tweeted Australia’s Nine News urgently. “Welly wanging took place in Auckland.” The world must now have the impression that no New Zealander approaches a visiting dignitary without a Shapeshifter album, a Buzzy Bee or a bouquet in a gumboot.

Never mind. The royal family are used to the essential absurdity of their condition. There’s a long history of reporting on them as if they were nice but dim toddlers. The British press are experts. “The couple were presented with one of the most adorable gifts yet – a teeny tiny pair of Wellington boots,” reported the UK Express.

At least we managed to outdo the teeny tiny ugg boots presented in Australia to the parents of what promises to be an eccentrically shod infant.