A hard one to crack

The census doesn’t require residents to state how much cocaine they get through a year.

- By Jane Lifton

The world understand-ably boggled when police announced they’d found, bobbing in the sea, enough cocaine to keep New Zealanders snorting or faffing about heating spoons for 30 years.

The question is, how do they know? The census doesn’t require residents to state how much coke they get through a year. Police may extrapolate data from convictions, but it’s unlikely gangs’ inventory spreadsheets are of great actuarial reliability.

Perhaps there are appropriate questions tacked onto those polls and focus groups that plumb for people’s views on politics and toothpaste? “How much smack/crack/whacky baccy do you consume in a month? Please rate the following dealers out of 10 for customer-facingness and rank the following common ratios of baking soda to hydrochloride salt for palatability.”

But would survey respondents be any more honest than they are with their GP – “Just a small sherry at Christmas”– or their dentist – “Flossing? It’s practically my hobby!”