Listening To Children

Dr. Jaishri Ramakrishnan is a consultant psychologist with over three decades of experience. She has conducted several seminars, workshops and training programmes on parenting, handling children with special needs, and stress management.

- Dr. Jaishree Ramakrishnan

In my clinical practice, I come across many instances where I feel that if adults had listenend well in the first place, the situation with the child would not have snowballed into a ‘problem that needs professional counselling’. Any adult, be it a parent or a teacher, should develop the ability to listen. Good listening leads to the adult developing empathy and understanding with children, helping to negotiate and defuse even difficult situations.

Case Study One

A four-year-old boy was brought for consultation. He was studying in one of the premier schools. It was said that the child was “breaking rules’, “defiant” and “cruel to animals and insects”. The school had instructed the parents to meet with a psychologist/ psychiatrist and check if the child had an emotional issue.

He was seated in a chair in front of me and the parents left the room. We looked at each other and I gave him a smile. The little one, with very warm and mischievous eyes, looked at me.

Child: Go on tell me I am a bad boy.

Me: I am going to do no such thing; I would like to know your story.

Child: Well that’s what everybody has been telling me - the teachers, mother, father and others in school.

Me: Tell me what happened.

Child: Will you listen?

Me: Of course I will.

Child: See, I was stamping on a row of ants that were running in my classroom. These ants bite and make red patches where they bite and hurt. So I stamped on them. Then ma’am said “In my class no one should stamp on the ants”. I found the ants again the next day and went and stamped on them before they could enter the classroom and bite me and my friends.