Cyclists' Embarrassing Bodies

There are certain bodily malfunctions and mishaps that only happen to cyclists. Vicky Ware provides insider advice on dealing with nine common causes of pain and shame.

I was riding up the final climb of my first Gran Fondo when it happened. A guy in front of me (and to the side, thankfully) shifted slightly on his saddle and made a loud trumpeting sound. Part of me wanted to do the same. After a very early morning breakfast followed by eight hours in the saddle and more gels than I cared to remember, my guts wanted a release too. As I continued my slow, painful ascent there were more trumpets around me, a cacophony of unleashed gas emitting from the orifices of my cycling companions. There was something liberating about it, a collective letting go; physical necessity trumped manners as we battled on together. And that’s the focus of this feature: the embarrassing body problems that we as cyclists need to learn to deal with in a supportive, comradely way.

Below, I’ve rounded up the commonest problems, drawing together cautionary tales, anecdotal accounts of humiliation, with expert advice on how to prevent the worst happening to you. Roll up, roll up! Get your gawping goggles out as I parade cycling’s most embarrassing problems.

1 NUMB NETHER REGIONS

In men, numbness in the genitals after riding is likely caused by pressure on the perineum cutting off blood or nerve supply, or both. Research into whether cycling can lead to impotence has been inconclusive, but a study at the University of California found that amateur cyclists had a 13.1 per cent rate of impotence compared to 5.6 per cent of non-cyclists (Brant, 2009). However, later research published in the Journal of Men’s Health and another study by Cycling for Healthy UK found no link between cycling and impotence.