The World Of Polygamy

We give an insight into polygamous marriages through the eyes of four readers.

- Amanda Mtuli & Fundiswa Nkwanyana

Thobile MaKhumalo Mseleku (28), third wife to Musa Mthombeni Mseleku. Lives in KwaMadlala, KZN.

EARLY DAYS

It was not in my plans to marry into polygamy; I just fell in love with a polygamist. What attracted me to Musa and encouraged me to marry him was his honesty and respect while courting me. He is also very loving, and didn’t hide the fact that he was married. He told me that he loved and respected his wives, and that nothing was lacking with either of them. He also said that he had seen something unique in me.

HOME LIFE

I live with Mpiloenhle (15), my husband’s daughter from a previous relationship. I ensure that she is well- taken care of. The first call I receive in the morning is from my husband, checking if I slept well. We also work together, so I get to see and spend more time with him. We have a 5pm curfew, which is a system for him to see us all. He spends an hour with each family, with the last visit being from 7pm until the next morning. This is easy for us because we all live on the same property, but in separate homes. Musa has his own house as well. Although I can call him about important matters anytime, I also respect his time with the other wives.

FAMILY DYNAMICS

Every Sunday, we meet at our husband’s house. We cook and spend the day together as a family. We also communicate when we’re not together. But, some things are not easy, especially when it comes to having different views. For example, sometimes I share the same views as my husband, which the other wives interpret as me taking his side. I constantly have to explain myself, but I’m always firm in my decision. Also, the fact that time is especially limited causes most of the problems within the family. We try to resolve them before they get to Musa. But when he does get involved, he’s always open and loving to us.