Sorry, Not Sorry

Deborah wants to boost her children’s ego-strength, but finds it hard when it was something her parents never gave her

Tina Fey in her acceptance speech for the Best Actress Emmy in 2008 said, “I’d like to thank my parents for giving me confidence that is disproportionate to my looks and abilities. That is what all parents should do.”

I loved what she said. It was the opposite of what I got. My father told me not to bother going for a run because my genes didn’t give me fast-twitch muscle fibres.  My mother said how did I think I could be a writer when no one else in our family had ever done that? 

I’m hardly the only one who suffered from a lack of boosterism. One famous friend who made a career as a performer said, “My mother told me I had knock knees and would never make it as a dancer.” Another friend, now a very successful lawyer, got told if he tried really hard he might be able to be a motorbike mechanic. Not that there is anything wrong with being a motorbike mechanic, except he would have been rubbish at it.

That’s why Peter Jackson’s parents have always been my heroes. They helped him with his fake blood for his home movies, even though perhaps they’d have preferred an accountant or a surgeon or something.

I bring this up, because I have tried to be like Mr and Mrs Jackson. I’ve clapped when our kids perform songs (“Evil never beats us, we’ll win the fight and go out for pizzas…”), got craft materials from Spotlight to make their “fursonas” (animal personas), taken them to Armageddon in cosplay outfits and that sort of thing.

I’ve tried to encourage them to have a growth mindset (“It’s okay not to get things right first time”) and I think it’s fine that they prefer manga comics to my suggestions of Little Women and Little House on the Prairie.