The Envy Project

Can feeling jealous make you a better person? Deborah’s about to find out

- Deborah Hill Cone

They were on Waiheke Wine Tours and eating vegan ice creams and at concerts and at beaches and smashing out another workout at the gym. It had been ages since I’d visited social media, but nothing had changed. People were still putting novelty hats on their dogs and taking pictures of their salads #happy #blessed #gratitude #babies #family #together #love #joy #friends #bleugh.

Whereas in my IRL world, my kitchen needed cleaning, my kids were whining and had eaten nothing but white carbs for days, library books were overdue and the faint but distinct smell of cat pee suggested the cats were not going to be in an “aw, cute” Instagram story anytime soon.

When I looked at other people wearing wafty white linen on beaches and cleaning their chandeliers I felt like #shit.

Welcome to the scourge of our time: envy. Frankly, I’d had enough of it. And since I’d just learned this new term “radical nonpathology” (the idea that there is nothing ultimately wrong with any of us) instead of beating myself up about feeling envious, I decided to make peace with it. I called it The Envy Project. It could be a big job.

Envy is part of life. But we are generally taught to feel ashamed of our envious feelings. They are considered an indication of evil. So we hide them from ourselves and others. So much so that people will claim they don’t envy anyone. This is bollocks, right?

Our modern society is a perfect breeding ground for envious feelings. In the past the serf didn’t envy the prince because, well, know your place, peasants. But once we got rid of the feudal-aristocratic system, everyone is considered equal and we compare ourselves and feel inadequate for not having a Ferrari.

Social media has made that worse.