Our 'New Normal' Crafting A Life After Loss

Art Has Been a Lifeline for This Grieving Family.

- Fleur Guthrie

At 39, Nicola Sumich became a member of a club she never wanted to join: the young widows’ club.

But while dealing with her grief was one thing – as well as managing her multiple sclerosis – the mum-of-three found navigating her children’s loss an even harder aspect as they grappled with their “amazing” dad Andy’s death.

The couple had been together for 18 years when her husband died of bowel cancer in 2015, aged 42.

“I found myself in a huge fog and suddenly thrown into meetings with lawyers, WINZ and removing my husband’s name from joint accounts,” recalls Nicola from her home on Auckland’s North Shore.

“Six weeks after his death, my body came out in shingles from the stress and then the kids got chicken pox. I’m not ashamed to say I relied on a glass of wine and a sleeping pill every night. I needed the sleep, not only to cope emotionally, but to keep my MS symptoms at bay,” says the full-time mum.

“For several months, the kids and I just watched TV together and didn’t do much else. Thankfully, we were blessed with meals delivered from our church and school families.”

Nicola also found support in seeing a counsellor and reading books written by other young widows. “Those two things helped hugely. It wasn’t just about grieving what I’d lost, but grieving the future you thought you’d have as a family.”