I LOVE MY HUSBAND BUT I WANT OTHER MEN TOO

When she hit 40, Tova Leigh realised she needed much more than suburbia and monogamy to make her happy

- Kara O'Neill, Tova Leigh

Just over two years ago, as I was taking stock of my life, I realised how perfect it was. I don’t mean to sound boastful, but as I mentally checked the boxes – good job, husband who wasn’t cheating with his assistant, three beautiful children, lovely home and dog – it appeared I’d achieved everything that, as a little girl, I believed I should aspire to. So why didn’t it feel like enough?

When I met my husband, Mike, on an online dating site back in 2007, I’d already been through a divorce and vowed I’d never go through anything so awful and exhausting again. But when Mike proposed, just over a year after our first date, I realised I loved this man more deeply than anyone before. I didn’t want to be just anyone’s wife, but I did want to be his.

We married in August 2009, and by April 2011, our eldest daughter had arrived, followed by twin girls in June 2013. Now, I wasn’t a fool – I knew parenting would be a slog. But I’d naively thought motherhood would come naturally once my babies were in my arms, but it didn’t. Mine and Mike’s relationship was the first casualty of parenthood. After the twins arrived, we didn’t have sex, we didn’t touch. No one had prepared me for just how difficult life would be with three children under school-age.

Soon, our every conversation became about how many hours the kids slept or the contents of their nappies. So it was no surprise that, one day, I looked at Mike sleeping beside me and felt like he was a total stranger. Mike called it a phase, but I wasn’t so sure.