The Christmas HELPER

A last-minute trip, misbehaving children and a nativity play to organise – how on earth were they going to pull this off?

Visiting a petting farm this close to Christmas was a mistake, I’d always thought that. Miss Stevens is in charge of Year 3, and I’ve got Year 4. We were supposed to come in the autumn, but it got postponed, the deputy head making the rash promise that the visit would occur ‘later in the year’, even though we were fast running out of the year.

My bunch was already in a hyped-up state before they even got off the couch because they’re putting on the school nativity play next week. Actually, as director, prompter, gluer of tinsel to coat hangers, and mopper of tears, I’m in a worse state.

At least Heverdean Animal Farm has done its best to look Christmassy. As soon as we arrived, all the kids made a beeline for the baby reindeers and ‘oohed’ and ‘aahed’, before Miss Stevens took her lot off to see the rabbits and guinea pigs.

Which has left me and Year 4 with the goats and the llamas. It’s festively cold but not freezing as we huddle around the llama paddock. The guy who’s answering questions has just explained that llamas can stay outdoors all winter unless the temperature is in single digits. However, considering he’s working at a petting farm, he doesn’t seem overkeen on small children. In fact, the man – his name tag says ‘Aidan’ – is monosyllabic and sarcastic, but the usual suspects in Year 4 have cottoned on to this, asking him questions such as:

‘Do llamas get the hiccups?’

‘How many toes does a two-toed “slofe” have?’

‘How does a goat smell?’

Answers: ‘Yes; two and it’s called a sloth; probably no worse than you do.’