Fleeing violence at Christmas

Hundreds of women and children will be spending the festive season in a refuge, hidden from abusive partners – and they’re the lucky ones…

- HADLEY MIDDLETON

This Christmas, all any parent wants is to give their child a magical experience, but, for some, 25 December offers no respite from domestic abuse. This Christmas morning, a lucky few will wake up in a refuge. In September 2020, mothers Ruby*, 33, and Zoe*, 24, escaped to a refuge with their children in fear for their lives.

For Ruby, this will be the first Christmas where she isn’t terrified of her husband harming their three children, Zac*, seven, Daniel*, five, and Lila*, one. ‘There is nothing in this world I love more than my children,’ Ruby says. ‘My husband said if I ever reported the abuse to the police, he would kill us. He kicked me in the stomach when I was pregnant, and he would pin me to the wall and choke me. I didn’t know where to turn for help.’

New life

Meanwhile, Zoe, who works part-time as a barista, is adjusting to life as a single mother with her son, Jack*, four. She married her husband in 2016. ‘Last Christmas, my husband slapped me at a family party,’ she recalls. ‘He was angry because he thought I was flirting with another man. I was humiliated, but he begged me to give him another chance. I was bullied and shouted at every day. Once he stood outside my bedroom door with a cricket bat, threatening to beat me.

I didn’t want Jack to see his mummy being hurt, so I saved my tears until he was in bed.’

Devastatingly, two women in England and Wales are killed by a current or former partner every week. Meanwhile, the COVID-19 crisis has highlighted the reality facing millions of women and children. While the UK was in lockdown in spring, Refuge, the country’s largest domestic abuse charity, received more calls and contacts to its National Domestic Abuse Helpline than ever, and Refuge’s website – nationaldahelpline.org.uk – saw visits increase tenfold during some weeks of the pandemic.