Curlingmy hair with precision and applying my make-up, I thought about my hot date who, right at that moment, would be making his way over to see in the new year with me. ‘Maybe we’ll even take things further,’ I thought hopefully. We’d already enjoyed a few lovely meals and drinks out together after meeting online, so, with my son Raphael*, then four,staying at his dad’s for the night, I’d invited my new man over.
Only, then I looked in the mirror and my heart sank. Despite wearing my favourite fitted black dress, at size 18, 16st 9lb and 5ft 6in, I hated how I looked.
Sucking in my tummy, I tried not to let a string of negative thoughts invade my mind. ‘He likes you for who you are,’ I tried to convince myself. But I’d been overweight for years and, since splitting from Raphael’s dad three years earlier, I’d not felt good enough for anyone – especially not my slim, attractive New Year’s Eve date.
It was suddenly losing my beloved mum Gwendoline, 53, to heart and lung failure in January 2012 that had triggered my weight gain. As an only child, then 25, I was left lonely and grief-stricken.
Just months after her funeral, I discovered I was pregnant.
‘It’s like a sign from Mum,’ I told my then-partner.
When Raphael was born in October 2012, I focused on being the best mother I could be, but I suffered from postnatal depression and was still struggling with my grief.
It was a lot to cope with, and I turned to comfort eating, devouring entire multipacks of crisps in one sitting, as well as biscuits and endless slices of toast.
I’d happily cook healthy meals for Raphael, but by the time he was in bed, all I wanted to eat was rubbish, and I’d fill up on oven chips, ready meals and pizzas.
この記事は WOMAN'S OWN の December 28, 2020 版に掲載されています。
7 日間の Magzter GOLD 無料トライアルを開始して、何千もの厳選されたプレミアム ストーリー、9,000 以上の雑誌や新聞にアクセスしてください。
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この記事は WOMAN'S OWN の December 28, 2020 版に掲載されています。
7 日間の Magzter GOLD 無料トライアルを開始して、何千もの厳選されたプレミアム ストーリー、9,000 以上の雑誌や新聞にアクセスしてください。
すでに購読者です? サインイン
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