Although I have always been a naturally optimistic person, one evening two years ago I found myself saying to my partner in a calm, matter-of-fact voice, ‘If nothing has changed in six months, I’m going to have to kill myself.’ I was referring to the tinnitus sound in my ears – an internal wind tunnel that constantly blew through my head.
The Ear, Nose and Throat consultant had blamed stress and said the noise would lessen if I stopped listening for it.
Unfortunately, my brain had become so alert to even the most innocuous threat, I could have heard a pin dropin the next room. Something fundamental had changed in my personality. I have worked as a life coach for almost 20 years, helping clients navigate through difficult times. My profession is to problem-solve. I had always prided myself on being able to rebound from life’s challenges, but the previous four months had drained my resources dry.
Where it began
It all started when I was searching for a light switch at night in an unfamiliar rental house. I lost my bearings and tumbled down 18 steep stairs, shattering my left elbow on impact. While I was having elbow-replacement surgery, my 87-yearold father also had a fall and was taken to hospital. I was discharged a week later,​ only to discover the true extent of my injuries once my morphine bubble burst. Every muscle in my body ached, and I counted the hours before I could take my next assortment of painkillers. My father was still in hospital with complications. Three weeks later, I received a phone call telling me to come immediately. They were turning off his life support. The last time I saw my father alive is lost to me in a blur of tramadol and tears.
この記事は WOMAN'S OWN の January 27, 2020 版に掲載されています。
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この記事は WOMAN'S OWN の January 27, 2020 版に掲載されています。
7 日間の Magzter GOLD 無料トライアルを開始して、何千もの厳選されたプレミアム ストーリー、9,000 以上の雑誌や新聞にアクセスしてください。
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