Lizzie's Brave Tell-All Fighting Back After Abuse

The singer’s throwing the book at her attackers.

- Carmen Lichi

Her debut book That F Word is full of candid confessions, surprising revelations and opinions on everything from labiaplasty (don’t do it) to masturbation (do it) to faking orgasms (never!) with plenty of F-bombs thrown in for good measure. But there is one topic Lizzie Marvelly nearly left out.

When the 29-year-old musician-turned-media commentator was in her early 20s, she was sexually assaulted by a “much older woman” who was a friend and colleague.

That attack – and several others by men – contributed to Lizzie falling into depression, culminating in self-harm and suicidal thoughts, from which it took her several years to fully recover.

“Same-sex sexual violence is not talked about very commonly and I think it is important to lift the lid on that,” the Rotorua-born singer tells Woman’s Day over a glass of pinot noir in Auckland. “But there’s also a lot of horrible old stigmas that link same-sex relationships with abuse, which is why I struggled with whether or not to include it in the book.

“It’s an incredibly rare event. Something like only two percent of offenders are female, but maybe because of its rarity, it’s even more difficult to deal with. So I hope that if there are any women that have experienced it, then my story will help them.

“When it happened to me, I still hadn’t really come to terms with my sexuality. I still identified as straight.”

This is no longer the case. In May, Lizzie came out as bisexual.

“I started becoming aware of my sexuality in my early 20s,” tells Lizzie, who was once romantically linked to former All Black captain Richie McCaw. “But I didn't know for sure until I was about 26. Some people were quite surprised, but most of the people close to me knew.”