MELODY OF MEMORIES

In times of tragic loss, several people reach out for their friends and family for comfort, while others keep to themselves. Teejay Raj writes a letter to his most loved Pixie to express his love and share the bereavement

My heart throb Pixie, It's been only a month since you left us and crossed over the rainbow bridge. I am writing this letter to try and let you go. For some reason, I am unable to find peace. Sometimes it feels like a dream, but I don't know what kind, good or bad. Half the time it's like I'm in the middle of a nightmare, but maybe I'll wake up and see you on my bed. Or maybe I'll look over right now and see you lying by my chair where you'd always be when I am home.

Sometimes it's like you were just my imagination. I want to fall asleep again and hope that I restart that same dream. Was it really nine years ago that I first saw you? We were supposed to have another two or three or even five years to hang out and go on walks, talk, travel, or play, or was that all just a happy dream? I wept when you passed away, I still cry everyday although I loved you deeply, I couldn't make you stay. A golden heart stopped beating, Tiny little paws at rest. God broke my heart to only prove he takes the best.

You came to my life when I was struggling with a shocking discovery of a lifelong disease with no cure in medical science. This hit me hard. It was difficult for me to come to terms with the unwanted developments.

What was more dreadful was the fact that I cannot lead a normal healthy life anymore. My dependency on medicines, constant vigilance on day-to-day simple activities, brought fear and insecurity which gradually led to massive bouts of depression and suicidal tendencies.

During the whole process, I didn't even realise when I isolated myself from the world. Eventually it led me to attract strong tendencies to hurt myself.