RUSSIAN WHALE KILLED AS SPY!

Critter shot multiple times

THE fishy death of a notorious beluga believed to be a trained spy for the Russian military has sparked calls for a criminal investigation in Norway as activists say the white whale was assassinated!

The mammoth mammal’s 14-foot, 2,700-pound carcass was found floating in the bay of Risavika, off the southern coast of the Scandinavian country — five years after initially being spotted in the area wearing a specially made harness marked Equipment St. Petersburg, which appeared to have multiple video camera mounts!

Suspicious locals didn’t consider the gear a red herring and wondered if they were dealing with a sea spook — even as Moscow denied any link to the sketchy cetacean.