MY WAITING LIST

I am happy to announce that I have opened a new waiting list, for people who have been trying to get on my regular waiting list. When and if there are openings on the regular list, those on the new list will be eligible to move into one of the open slots, after paying a transfer fee.

- JACK HANDEY

The new list is meant as an accommodation for people who have been unable to get on my regular waiting list, or even to get a response from me. It is my wish to give these applicants a glimmer of hope.

However, I must confess, openings on my regular waiting list are few and far between. But they do occasionally happen: -Persons on the regular list are required to notify me at least once a month that they wish to remain on the waiting list. Failure to do so can result in removal, and a fine.

-Some new applicants for the waiting list fail to completely fill out the nine-page background check. Or they get it witnessed and notarized, but forget to submit the full set of fingerprints and a urine sample.

-Grounds for automatic expulsion is asking what the waiting list is for.