Should you leave the door open?

A therapist explains how to know if ethical nonmonogamy is right for you

- Marie Southard Ospina

MANY OF US GROW UP ALONGSIDE narratives of a "happily ever after" one soulmate-sort-of love, but this cultural ideal is far from a universal reality - or even a universal desire. Just like someone might have several friends who meet various social needs, many people, myself included, crave more than one romantic or sexual partner. And if that's the case - and you're already committed to one partner - it makes sense that you might be interested in an open relationship.

That decision is a hugely personal one of course, and it's important to recognize that open relationships, where two partners consensually agree to seek sex and/or love outside of their existing relationship, aren't for everyone. They can feel complicated and, at times, downright messy - not only because many of us live in societies that don't support nonmonogamy, but also because open relationships can bring up issues around jealousy, boundaries, and relationship goals that can all be pretty intense to navigate.

That said, they can also be incredibly fulfilling. To help you decide whether some sort of open arrangement makes sense for your love life, we asked Dr Dulcinea Alex Pitagora, a therapist who specialises in nonmonogamous relationships, for the most important questions to ponder before opening up an existing relationship.

1 What does an "open relationship" mean 1 to you? 

If you're researching this topic for the first time, you'll probably come across new vocabulary, but the umbrella term for most types of open relationships is ethical nonmonogamy (ENM) a dynamic in which transparency and communication are at the core of the choices you and your partner(s) make.