This bloody thing. Every. Stinking. Time."
'This was our new King. He was six days into his new job and these were the last six words he uttered before sweeping imperiously from a room at Belfast's Hillsborough Castle, leaving his wife and his retainers fluttering about like frightened pheasants at a shoot.
If it had been the irascible Henry VIII, he'd have been throwing a wobbly about another queen failing to deliver a male heir. One imagines George III losing it only after losing the American colonies, or possibly his marbles. And if it had been the late Queen ...but, of course, with her famous sangfroid, it would never have been the late Queen.
As it was, this was her son. And Charles III was fulminating about a fountain pen leaking while he was signing a visitors' book.
It wasn't our new King's first act of public peevishness in the days following his elevation to the throne. Shortly after his mother's death, Charles got the hump about another pen, this time because it was in the wrong place. We must hope no disobedient writing implement disrupts the final act in his accession, his coronation at Westminster Abbey on May 6.
Generous souls might forgive His Majesty his outbursts. This, after all, was a son grieving the death of his mother; a 73-year-old chap feeling the strain of long-awaited responsibilities; a man worn out from being rushed from room to room while doing his best to look like a king.
Others might be less generous about His Majesty's freakish humours. Like the former member of staff who told the Times that Charles was a man so intemperate that he would kick out at furniture in his rage. "He's a demanding boss," that insider said.
Another who worked for Charles, Sir Malcolm Ross, who became his Master of the Household in 2006, told author Tom Bower the prince called him "names I hadn't heard since my early days in the army".
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First-world problem
Harrowing tales of migrants attempting to enter the US highlight the political failure to fully tackle the problem.
Applying intelligence to AI
I call it the 'Terminator Effect', based on the premise that thinking machines took over the world.
Nazism rears its head
Smirky Höcke, with his penchant for waving with a suspiciously straight elbow and an open palm, won't get to be boss of either state.
Staying ahead of the game
Will the brave new world of bipartisanship that seems to be on offer with an Infrastructure Commission come to fruition?
Grasping the nettle
Broccoli is horrible. It smells, when being cooked, like cat pee.
Hangry? Eat breakfast
People who don't break their fast first thing in the morning report the least life satisfaction.
Chemical reaction
Nitrates in processed meats are well known to cause harm, but consumed from plant sources, their effect is quite different.
Me and my guitar
Australian guitarist Karin Schaupp sticks to the familiar for her Dunedin concerts.
Time is on my side
Age does not weary some of our much-loved musicians but what keeps them on the road?
The kids are not alright
Nuanced account details how China's blessed generation has been replaced by one consumed by fear and hopelessness.