Dodgy past will not let me enjoy future

HOW DO I OPEN UP TO GIRL?

- JANE O'GORMAN

I'M being hampered by my sordid past.

I yearn to turn over a new leaf and reinvent myself as a decent and solid person - only too many people know about the mistakes I've made.

My mates still call me Fiasco (or Fi for short). I don't think half of them know my real name.

Even my mum and dad have absolutely no respect for me.

They remember the times I was dragged home drunk, hospitalised for drug-taking and sacked from endless jobs.

They can recall the names of all the girlfriends I hurt and abandoned - because they were the ones giving them tea and sympathy while I was out shagging the next conquest.

I'm the first to admit that I've screwed up more times than a Black and Decker.

But now I need to change. I've met someone special, someone who has no concept of the knobhead I used to be.