Rabbits replaced by rabbit punches for working people

The absence of rabbits in Rachel Reeves's Budget box may explain how the chancellor managed to hold it aloft for so long.

- JOE MURPHY

The first woman in history to hoist the scarlet briefcase outside No 11 managed to keep it up for a full minute and 15 seconds while photographers snapped away. Either Reeves is a secret weightlifter or the red box contained helium balloons instead of a speech.

Over in parliament, the chamber was already packed in anticipation. Promotion-hungry Labour MPs arrived at 8.30am to bag seats under the whips’ eyes. Dozens had to stand at the back. No such problem for Conservatives: even with their entire parliamentary party on parade, they had seats for all.

The chancellor took her place at the dispatch box to a thunderous cheer, beaming like the school swot on prize day. With her love of dividing lines, she clearly shares DNA with Gordon Brown. But the weird double helix strand that meant dour Brown had to remind himself to smile occasionally is reversed in Reeves. She struggles instead to remember not to look so infernally pleased with herself all the time.

Before the Budget speech began, Reeves and Sir Keir Starmer were given a spirited dressing-down from the madam deputy speaker, Nusrat Ghani, for leaking almost the entire thing to the media in advance. This was “supreme discourtesy” and a breach of the ministerial code, thundered Ghani. Starmer rubbed his face and stared into space; the image of a defendant feeling uncomfortable. Reeves sat serenely, her conscience entirely untroubled by this professional foul.