The Unheard Victims Of Indian Masculinity

Why so many young men, as NCRB data shows, do violence to themselves or to others over love

- Paromita Vohra

It's said that the patriarchal violence women face gets acknowledged only when it kills her when a case of domestic or intimate partner violence becomes a case of murder. At what point then do we recognise the violence that patriarchy enacts on men? The NCRB Crime in India 2021 report shows nearly 13,000 people killed themselves over love. 64% of these were young men aged 18-30.

The fact that men disappointed in love do violence either to others or to themselves - has little to do with love and much to do with what men are expected to be.

Masculinity is a script each man must play out as a hero, which must end in triumph. Patriarchy tells men they are special and entitled to primacy - but it only celebrates those men who succeed by its narrow standards. Life is an exam question with one right and one wrong answer-dominate or be dominated. If you are not the winner, you are obviously the loser, worthy of humiliation.

In this context love becomes two things: A prize to be won and endorse your masculinity, but also the refuge for and balm to all your private pain, almost like an idealised mother.