Fix a festive FALL-OUT

Had too much of a good thing? Our expert tips will help you feel better quickly

While we might think of this time of year as ‘merry and bright’, when it comes to family, the festive season isn’t always full of cheer. Spending more time with your relatives than normal can often be a recipe for squabbles – and not just over who’s getting the last ‘purple one’. Tension can soar as bad feelings come to the surface and then to the boil. From old resentments to difficult dynamics, here’s how to weather seasonal storms.

1 LEARN FROM THE PAST

Still reeling from when the in-laws got in a mood about where you spent the big day or how friends made you feel bad for leaving the buffet early? Then…

MAKE A PLAN

Think about how you want things to go then email or text a plan – so it’s there in black and white. ‘That way, people know what’s expected – for example, do they need to bring food, who’s doing what,’ says Dee Holmes, clinical services manager at Relate. Allow for flexibility, though, as guests may need to take medication or rest at certain times.

PUT RESENTMENTS ASIDE

‘Memories are longest where relationships are deepest. So your seemingly fun family gathering may camouflage all kinds of trouble. What’s best is to broker a truce ahead of the celebrations – putting issues on the table may initially raise hackles, but in the end bring resolution,’ says Woman’s sex and relationship expert Susan Quilliam.