How to cut friends who ARE BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH

Culling a friendship can feel brutal, so how do you know when to call time on pals who aren't good for you?

- TANYA PEARY

Does your friend put you down, hit on your husband or ask for one too many favours without ever being there for you? Or perhaps it’s more subtle than that – she drains your energy as she talks to you about what’s going on in her life, or simply leaves you feeling uncomfortable after time spent together. Sounds familiar? Then it’s time to do something about it. Here’s what you need to know. 

Friendships are not for life

There are common signs that a friendship has turned toxic, but we may be reluctant to either admit they’re there, or act on them. And that’s often because we’re brought up with the belief that friendships should be for life.

‘That’s simply not realistic,’ says psychologist Dr Meg Arroll. ‘And it places a lot of pressure on us. You don’t need to stay friends with someone just because you were at school together or had your first babies around the same time.’

Circumstances change, people change – and we shouldn’t be worried about recognising that and dealing with it.

Why it matters

Friendship break-ups can be trickier than romantic splits because they can trigger a deep-seated stress response within us. Even when we know, deep down, that the relationship has become unhealthy.

‘We all possess the fight-or-flight stress response,’ says Dr Arroll, ‘But women, in addition, have a “tend or befriend” response. So when there are tensions within our social groups, or we break up with a friend, it basically gives us a fear response because our role, in terms of evolutionary psychology, was to keep the group together.’