COPING AS AN ADULT CHILD OF DIVORCE

With more 50-something couples splitting up, Tabitha*, 40, explains how she navigated her parents' break-up

- LOUISE BATY

Walking into my mum's bedroom, I froze as I saw her with her head in her hands, in floods of tears. It was 2000 and I was 16, living with my parents, brother and younger sister.

Married since 1971, when Mum was 19 and Dad 21, my parents had strikingly different personalities and interests. While Mum, a lawyer, was very outgoing, Dad was more introverted. Yet I'd assumed they were solid because they'd been together for what seemed like forever.

But now, when I sat down with Mum and persuaded her to tell me what was wrong, I was shocked to hear her say, 'I'm not completely happy in my relationship...

This signalled the beginning of an agonisingly drawn-out process as my parents gradually untangled their lives.

OPEN COMMUNICATION

After that day, Mum continued to confide in me how unhappy she was. We'd clashed during my early teens, so I appreciated the chance to develop an honest friendship with her. Even though I was just 16, I adopted the role of confidante during countless soul-baring conversations.

But during one long car journey in 2001, when I was 17, she opened up in detail about struggles in her marriage.

It was tough hearing her honesty and my first instinct was to leap to Dad's defence, because I loved him, even if she no longer did. Though part of me enjoyed being her sounding board, I knew Dad wasn't fully aware she felt this way, so I felt caught in the middle.

However, then she confessed to having doubts about leaving Dad, after friends had expressed their shock that she was considering putting herself through divorce rather than living a comfortable retirement.

Years went by and things stagnated, with neither of my parents truly happy. Our family was disjointed and sad. The situation weighed heavily on me, even when I'd moved away to university.