The Kinky Talk

Telling your partner about your fetishes and kinks.

- Lasya Shashimohan

When on a train from Darjeeling to Gangtok, a most unusual incident occurred. A youth who was seated next to me suddenly hopped up, got down on his knees and kissed the feet of the middle-aged woman sitting in the opposite seat. "Sorry, ma'am," he subsequently apologised to the visibly-stunned lady, "I have a foot fetish and couldn't help myself. You have such gorgeous feet!"

After her shock had abated, the lady laughingly dismissed the matter. The young man got back to his seat and started reading his thick paperback. This episode got me thinking about podophilia (foot fetish), crossdressing, role play and a number of other kinks the human race fosters. How could a person possibly confide them in a partner? While the movement of the train lulled me into a trance, I had a few insights.

Fetishes Are Mostly Harmless

Kinks are usually developed in childhood when a non-sexual object leads to arousal. The object and arousal become intertwined leading to a desire for the object. This phenomenon persists unto adulthood. Fetishes are very common and often harmless.

The first step towards telling your partner about your kink requires doing some inner work, i.e., working towards getting rid of the guilt, shame and hesitance you harbour towards your fetish. If you hold the idea that your fetish is abnormal or immoral, chances are that you will transfer your discomfort onto your partner.

Reevaluate Your Relationship