Love = Time

Singapore parents who “date” their children individually say it helps them bond better with each kid, and even simple activities done together can be meaningful.

- Venessa Lee

As Annabelle Chew’s family grew bigger over the years, her ideas about spending quality time together evolved.

Annabelle, 46, a vice-principal of a preschool, and her husband, operations manager Victor Ong, 51, have five children aged between three and 21.

She says: “Back when we had two or three kids, I used to think everybody must gather together for family time. But I realised that as the children grew older, they had different needs and interests. It was better to be flexible, to connect with each child, one to one.”

She decided to go on individual outings with each of her five kids, in addition to spending time together as an entire family. Her husband sometimes does so, too.

Over the years, their cycling sessions or meals out with individual kids expanded to include spa days or trips to Johor Baru. “The child gets undivided attention. You get to listen to each other. The bonding is a bit better,” Annabelle says.

Richard Hoon, chairman of Centre for Fathering, a non-profit organisation, revealed last year that his late wife had advised him to “date” each of their three daughters individually, to get to know them better – and he did.

In the article, he said he realised his children “equated love with time” and “all that mattered to them was that I was available for them”.

Now that he is 60, his daughters, who are in their 20s, take turns to “date” him.

His story was warmly received on social media.

Every kid is special

Other parents who go on “dates” or even holidays with one child at a time agree that it is worth making time to take such breaks from the daily routine.