Hitting Refresh

How to give your love a spring cleaning.

- Megan Haynes

AFTER BEING MARRIED for 27 years, Michelle and Josh* found they fought about everything. The tension had built up while the Aurora, Ont., Fiftysomethings were raising their three kids. “I’m the checklist person; he’s the fun dad,” Michelle says, explaining that when she had an evening out with friends, instead of making sure the kids did their homework, Josh would play video games with them. Polarized into these roles, they both thought the other was wrong—he was immature; she was rigid.

After their kids were fully grown, resentment remained, and they were left bickering about who would buy milk or what to watch on TV. The word “divorce” began to come up in the heat of the moment, Michelle says, but they weren’t really ready to split. As a lastditch eort, two and a half years ago*

they attended a couples’ retreat in Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ont., to help them save their marriage. Once there, they realized they should have taken action sooner—and more often.

Not all couples ght, of course. Some seethe in silence until they combust, while others simply let themselves drift apart from a lack of investment in the relationship. Around this time of year, you may declutter your basement, clear out the freezer or wash all the windows. Why not give your relationship that same kind of much-needed spring cleaning?

Break Out of Your Comfort Zone “A lot of couples get into a rut,” says Grace Cirocco, a marriage coach who hosts the retreat Michelle and Josh attended. “It’s logistical—it’s making dinner, doing the laundry. ere is usually very little time for the couple to just be together.”