Ready To Party?

What you need to know about social anxiety and surviving the holiday season

- Leah Rumack

PAINFUL SHYNESS has affected Karen Chapelle, a 48-year-old welder from Toronto, for her entire life. While she has many friends that she sees one-on-one, trying to socialize with more than a few people—especially if she doesn’t know them—sends her into a cold sweat.

“Dinner parties are the worst,” she adds, recalling one 30-person Passover Seder that she once bailed on at the last minute because she knew the hosts were planning to ask everyone around the table to speak about what they were thankful for. “I really wanted to go but I just couldn’t. Too much sharing, too many people. It was overwhelming.”

Like Chapelle, many socially anxious people brace themselves in preparation for another forced march through a line of punch bowls during the holidays. And while most people feel bashful some of the time, or under some circumstances, an estimated 12 per cent struggle with a more serious social-anxiety disorder, which significantly impacts their lives.

Here are some strategies to help everyone from garden-variety blushers to serial party-avoiders get through the season—and maybe have some fun while they’re at it.

Be Conscious of Your Body Language

“Much of the time, when people are anxious or are afraid of being rejected, they have a very closed body posture. They fold their arms over their chest, speak quietly, or stand far away from other people,” says Martin Antony, a psychology professor at Ryerson University and co-author of The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook. “Other people read those cues and think, This person doesn’t want to be social right now, so I’m going to stay away.”