Feeling Unfulfilled In Your Marriage?

Feeling unfulfilled in your marriage? This may be why – and what you can do about it

- Kim Arendse

WHEN a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a man who’s been married for 10 years looks happy, we wonder why.

This is just one of many, many jokes about marriage. Is it funny because it’s true? Because behind the joke lies the belief that most married couples end up unhappy?

The statistics seem to bear that out. Divorce rates globally have been increasing steadily over the past few decades and since the beginning of lockdown have risen by 20% in South Africa, according to local law firm DIY Legal.

The data also shows that SA couples under the age of 35 are twice as likely to divorce than older groups – and what this highlights is how the institution of marriage has changed, says Linda Matshoza, a legal professional at Law for All.

Marriage has evolved in many ways over the centuries, and experts agree that if you and your spouse want to end up holding hands on the stoep well into old age, you need to be aware of and able to handle the pressures of the modern marriage.

“Historically, marriage was a financial institution with very specific gender role and no expectation of much personal gratification or happiness,” says Sadé Dubois, a couple’s therapist at Conscious Relationships in Cape Town.

“Now, marriage is considered a source of personal happiness and fulfillment, not just a source of legal benefits. And we expect our partners to be many things – our trusted confidant, best friend, lover, co-parent, and soulmate.”

She adds that modern life also plays a role in what we expect from the marriage.