I’D GIVEN up. No amount of willpower was enough. Every time I sat down at the computer I got up again soon after, the empty Word document a shameful testament to my lack of focus.
Some days I didn’t make it to my desk. It felt as if my thoughts were written down on Post-it notes, hundreds of Post-it notes that were swirling around in a giant wind tunnel. I was in the wind tunnel too, frantically grabbing at each slip of paper. I was supposed to be a writer. But I was a writer who didn’t write. Instead I lay in bed, paralysed with ennui and despair.
I kidded myself that this mental shutdown was a result of lockdown. It was November 2020 and a second wave of Covid-19 was coming. Everyone was struggling to concentrate, I told myself, I’d probably be fine once things settled down again.
However, in my case this had been building up for years. Blaming it on Covid was a coping mechanism, one final dogged rationalisation. It was time to see someone about it, whatever “it” was.
I had hit a similar wall during my schooldays. I knew I was different. My brain was frenetic. Sometimes frenetic and at other times like a sieve.
It’s striking how often the same comments appear in my school reports, year after year. “Prone to interrupting”, “poor presentation”, “great difficulty concentrating”, “easily distracted”.
These evolved into disciplinary problems as the years trickled by. I went from distracted child to problem child. I thought I was dyslexic for a while. I couldn’t spell and my handwriting was illegible. Other kids would write sentences, whereas I’d put squiggly lines on paper. I was that familiar classroom underachiever: disorganised, often surly, always lost in a world of my own.
Denne historien er fra 13 May 2021-utgaven av YOU South Africa.
Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.
Allerede abonnent ? Logg på
Denne historien er fra 13 May 2021-utgaven av YOU South Africa.
Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.
Allerede abonnent? Logg på
PUSHED TO THE LIMIT
The unusual relationship between an heiress and her husband has taken a sinister twist
HOW TO MAKE A SUPERBABY
Noor Siddiqui says her company can test embryos for hundreds of conditions from diabetes to Alzheimer's. Critics call it social engineering but she insists she's just giving prospective parents the means to avoid a lot of future heartache
THE GROWN-UP BRAIN
If you think your brain deteriorates as you age, think again!
THE eyes HAVE IT
They're the windows to our soul - and the first place to show the stresses of everyday life. Juliette Winter reveals expert tips to de-puff, brighten and smooth this delicate area
WE'RE IN THIS TOGETHER
It hasn't been an easy road but now this bodybuilding couple are making waves in the industry
I CAN'T WAIT FOR SUMMER!
Annetjie's about to get effective treatment for the skin condition that has blighted her life and she's looking forward to hitting the shops and facing the world
'SHE NO THREAT TO ANYONE'
When SA boxer Chris van Heerden's Russian girlfriend went to visit her parents she was thrown in jail and accused of treasonnow he's in a fight to free her
SUNK IN 16 MINUTES!
A sun-drenched holiday turned into a living nightmare for those aboard this luxury vessel
READY TO SMILE AGAIN
A groundbreaking surgical procedure will restore this Limpopo teen's badly damaged jaw and teeth
HARRY AT A CROSSROADS
As the prince turns 40, royal experts paint a picture of a troubled soul- isolated, homesick and struggling to find a purpose in life