Loss In Lockdown

Many things are more difficult during this time of isolation – but none of them hit harder than grieving alone

- Kim Arendse

Losing a loved at any time is hard enough. There’s no other pain like it. But in this time of isolation there are extra layers to grief.

For many there’s the added pain of not being able to be at a loved one’s bedside and hold their hand as they take their final breaths. There’s the strange emptiness of not being able to share comforting hugs at a time when you really need them.

And there’s the surreal experience of funerals with a limited number of mourners physically present who are all standing one and a half metres apart.

Losing a loved one during lockdown can result in a complicated grief, says Lungile Lechesa, a clinical psychologist from Sandton, Johannesburg.

“Lockdown already comes with a big sense of loss – loss of control, freedom, safety, interaction and possibly income,” Lechesa says. “And now if a loved one dies, you might not get to see them prior to their passing to say goodbye, or might not be able to attend their funeral, which could make it more difficult to accept the death.”

The day her beloved grandfather died in Cape Town, former teacher Jessie Lambert had just landed in Joburg on a repatriation flight and was immediately placed in quarantine.

“I don’t feel I’ve been able to grieve for him yet,” says Jessie, who’d been stuck in Bali, Indonesia, since 26 March when she was told she couldn’t fly to SA due to the travel ban.

One of the hardest things is that her grandfather didn’t have his family with him in his final hours, Jessie says. “When lockdown started my mom couldn’t visit him and he called her twice to ask why she wasn’t visiting. He didn’t understand the concept of lockdown and not seeing my mom was distressing for him.