'I Had AnxIety, And I Made It Worse'
Cosmopolitan Philippines|October 2017

One woman wanted to tackle her anxiety the natural way…until she realized crystals and coconut oil aren’t the cure for serious mental illness.

Gila Lyons
'I Had AnxIety, And I Made It Worse'

When I was 17, I didn’t feel like a normal teenage girl. I felt like there was a beast locked inside my normal teenage girl’s body, scratching to get out. I regularly suffered panic attacks: hyperventilating, trembling under cold sweat, and fighting the desire to run away, even though I was just taking notes in class or hanging out at a friend’s basement.

I’d been diagnosed with generalized anxiety and panic disorder the year before, but I scoffed at the idea that my problems were hardwired in my brain or DNA. Although my psychiatrist and parents pushed me to take medication to control my symptoms, I refused. I had studied Eastern philosophy and devoured spiritual tomes like You Can Heal Your Life, which had me convinced that my mentalhealth issues were signs of a festering wound—a repressed memory or past life trauma. I wasn’t sure what exactly, but I was desperate to find out.

I deferred entry to Wesleyan University and instead took a four-day train (add aviophobia to my list of anxieties) from my hometown of Boston to Sedona, Arizona, the epicenter of New Ageism. A reputed home to five energy vortexes—places believed to be especially powerful—it is the land of the health-food store, crystal shop, Reiki master, and aural photographer (they take pictures of your aura; mine was purple). For a naive 18-year-old looking for answers, it was Disneyland.

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Denne historien er fra October 2017-utgaven av Cosmopolitan Philippines.

Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.

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