I’ve just got in. The oven clock flashes 1.03 AM. I fill a glass with water while simultaneously taking off the high-heeled boots I’ve had on since 7.30 AM yesterday. My mouth has the stale tang of several tequila shots and half a packet of Marlboro Lights. I knock the water back greedily. From out of the early-morning gloaming I see my phone light up – a WhatsApp from someone I half-remember meeting last night. My eyes flick over the preview message: “Come over,” it says. I consider it. Then I remember… it’s only Wednesday.
To many, this might sound like a standard Tuesday night for a 26-year-old woman, especially if you work in London, as I do. For me, however, every drag of a cigarette, every slam of a shot, every line of cocaine I’ve experimented with in dimly lit bathrooms, and every unsuitable boy I’ve drunkenly kissed at the end of the night, holds heavy consequences. That’s because my family are Muslim, which means they strongly disapprove of 99% of the life choices I have made tonight. So strongly, in fact, that if they ever found out, I may as well be dead to them. They would most likely cease all contact with me.
I am what you might call Muslim-ish. That is to say I am a Muslim woman who lives, for the most part, by western standards. And that’s problematic for everyone – the men I date, the friendships I keep and, most of all, the family I love more than anything.
It also means I live my life in a perpetual state of fracture, caught between two cultural expectations, the psychological consequences of which can be immense for the thousands of young Muslim-ish women and men just like me.
Feeling different
Denne historien er fra January 2020-utgaven av Cosmopolitan Sri Lanka.
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Denne historien er fra January 2020-utgaven av Cosmopolitan Sri Lanka.
Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.
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Letting go of fear
Oozing confidence, Shalindri Malawana learned a long time ago how to take on anything life thrust at her.
Conservation and care
Savera Weerasinghe’s career, from a non-profit to the manufacturing industry to sustainability, has always had a single common theme: start small, think big.
A woman with a cause
Shiandra Gooneratne is in a bat t le against an age-old enemy and plans to make a difference
Telling stories making space
Nabeela Yaseen created a platform for women and girls to feel safe, seen, and supported. She never expected just how many of them would need it.
Saving the environment
Anoka Abeyrathne, a conservationist and social entrepreneur, is only just getting started
Doing her own thing
Shifani Reffai has done a lot of different things. But she’s done them all her way.
Dance etched in her veins
Thajithangani “Thaji” Dias lives and breathes dance
Changing mindsets
Randhula De Silva, CEO of Hatch and Director of GIZ, is a disrupter at her core. And she’s just get ting started.
A guide to making it big in your career
It 's in the details
How To Watch A Movie Alone And Have The Best Time Ever
Movie marathon, anyone? No? Cool, I‘ll go solo!