How To Say You Are Sorry!

In an age where saying everything is the norm, we continue to awkwardly skirt the apology. Here’s how—and why—to do it right, courtesy Vatsala Chhibber.

- Vatsala Chhibber

At 23, trusting the endorsement of a friend, I signed up for The Landmark Forum—either a pocket-emptying cult or life changing workshop, I’m still unsure to this day. But it’s where I was forced out of the convenient habit of rolling up remorse and storing it as guilt. It’s also where I learnt that feeling sorry wasn’t the least bit virtuous; saying sorry was. It would accelerate the journey towards our promised “breakthroughs”, we were told, and our happiness levels would fly off the charts. I searched my contact list for fraught and fading relationships, made difficult calls and wrote nervously on pretty stationery.

Those conversations and letters were awkward, confused and brought no change, except for ending my relationship. A week after I emailed my boyfriend what I thought was a quite generous apology, I demanded why he hadn’t sent me an equally good one in return. That’s when I learnt a second, more expensive lesson: even saying sorry isn’t virtuous if not done right.

SORRY TO SAY...