UNAPOLOGETIC WOMEN

When activist Grace Tame refused to simper and flash her pearly whites to Scott Morrison in January, Australia was divided. Some called her petulant, others called her powerful. Three writers take inspiration from the 2021 Australian of the Year and try behaving how they actually feel, rather than playing nice to satisfy others

Of fall the courses I had to take at the start of my media career more than 20 years ago, one was easily my favourite. It was a course where we were taught to never take ownership of another person's feelings. “I'm sorry you choose to feel that way," I repeated after the teacher over and again. If someone chose to feel upset by something I'd said, written or done, well, it was on them. Between you and me, I learnt , the spiel but as a committed empath and chronic apologiser I've simply never been able to utter it to anyone.

SORRY, NOT SORRY THE CHALLENGE

Dilvin Yasa fights the urge to apologise

I realise there are a slew of studies that show that over-apologisers tend to have lower self-esteem and command less respect from others, but when I accepted this marie claire challenge and take the time to reflect on why I apologise for things like asking a sales assistant to check for more product out the back, it's because I believe social niceties make the world a happier place. Apologising - even if you don't mean it - is basically the social equivalent of speaking gently to a spooked horse. Over the years, personal experience has taught me that people simply respond better to "please”, “thank you” and “much appreciated”, and provided you don't think of it as a weakness, saying them costs nothing at all.

Still, a challenge is a challenge and I approach the task with trepidation. I am tested almost immediately when a friend shares some bad news during the school run and I go home only to realise I didn't ask enough questions. Right away, I phone her up and apologise for my carelessness, before realising that, less than an hour in, I'd failed. Did that scenario warrant an apology? Probably not, but had I not done it, that horrible sensation would have gnawed away at me.