Why You Need To Be More Assertive

Men set boundaries all the time without batting an eyelid, so how come women find that so hard? CHRIS HART explains how you can up your confidence to get ahead.

- Chris Hart

Why do men always seem to get their way while women often lose out? How come men effortlessly put themselves first, find it easy to say, ‘no’, have no problem with asking for a raise? It’s because men are far more assertive than women. But why?

It’s all in the conditioning 

The reason men are more assertive has its roots in the way women largely prefer high-status males when thinking about a father for their children. They are even willing to share the best guys, rather than accept an unsuccessful man. So men have to succeed, or they may never have children. 

That’s why men feel so driven to acquire wealth and status. That’s why they are so competitive. That’s why men love danger and the chance to win. Why they become gamblers and stock market traders. And why bravery’s so seductive. Because a brave man is more likely to be successful. 

And you can’t deny that you’re impressed by risk-taking, dominant men! You admire their confidence, easy movements and unashamed gaze, the way they push people around and don’t smile much, especially at other men. You can’t help but smile when you see their resolute stride, and gestures such as punching the air, slamming their fists down on tables, or pointing fingers. These are all dominance displays, that effortlessly trigger feelings of power, superiority and control in themselves. 

All boys grow up learning that game plan. It’s a plan aimed at achieving high status and prosperity. Meanwhile, girls are socialised to value warmth, intimacy and consensus.

Boys vs girls, what they are taught