Keep Small Things Small

When Deepti Tanna felt wronged and betrayed by someone she had helped, her mother patiently taught her the valuable lesson of responding through her values and not her emotions.

- Deepti Tanna

My first teacher was my grandmother. The second set of teachers was my parents, followed by my school and college teachers. This, I believe, is the case with all of us. We learn most of our life’s lessons from our parents; by observing them over a course of time.

As a child, I was labelled highly sensitive, someone who was very touchy about anything said to her. However, neither my parents nor grandmother labelled my behaviour. When my uncle once asked them why they did not correct my crying over every small thing, my father had replied, “I don’t want to make her ignore or suppress her feelings, I want to teach her to acknowledge her emotions, and then channelise them.”

After three decades of being with my parents, I can acknowledge that they never suppressed any emotion my siblings or I experienced. We were free to emote and express everything that coursed through us – fear of exams, anger at losing a game or a possession, excitement on receiving gifts, sorrow when our visiting cousins left for their home, or happiness when the Indian cricket team won. We were free to express ourselves freely.

One emotion, however, which doesn’t leave me easily is hurt. People who are sensitive would relate to what I say. When angry or hurt we are unable to aggressively express ourselves and instead cry out our emotions in the form of tears. A lot of my friends and cousins advise me, “Deepti, shout, swear, scream, punch the pillow but get it out of your system.” I could never do any of these and found myself even more miserable if I heeded their advice.