The Ego-Free Guide To Making Your Partner Come

Fight the orgasm gap

- Sophia Benoit

The country is slowly opening back up, but with social-distancing rules still in place, we’re still in the middle of a national crisis of boredom. The intrepid among us are using this as an opportunity to better themselves: I’ve seen friends embark on pull-up challenges, redecorate their space, enroll in virtual pasta-making classes. I even have a friend learning Welsh. And that’s wonderful – especially the pasta-making. But I’d like to urge you to add one more self-improvement project to your list: making your partner come.

You might be operating under the assumption that you’re doing a good enough job at getting your partner across the finish line – and hey, you might be right – but there’s always room for improvement. According to Dr Laurie Mintz, a psychologist, sex therapist, and author of the book Becoming Cliterate, most men orgasm pretty reliably during sex, but in cis straight couples, the same doesn’t always hold true for women. In fact, according to a 2017 study, 95% of heterosexual men said they usually or always orgasmed, but only 65% of heterosexual women could say the same. Meanwhile, 86% of lesbians said they usually or always orgasmed. Not to be rude, straight men of the world, but the data indicate it’s time to step it up! (Accordingly, the rest of this article will deal primarily with cis straight sex, though Dr Mintz had plenty of universal wisdom to offer.)