When Money Becomes A Divisive Issue

What's more awkward than talking about sex? Money especially if you feel your partner isn't pulling his weight. Here's how to get the conversation going before your relationship takes a turn for the worse, says Deborah Tan-Pink.

- Deborah Tan-Pink

In an ideal world, couples know what to do with their money. Salaries go into a joint account each month, expenses are dutifully paid for from this account, each partner doesn't spend more than they should, and whatever's left goes into building a nest egg for retirement. Hands up, if you are in this enviable situation. My guess is, many of us are not.

I have to admit: I'm not always happy with my husband's carefree attitude towards money. The way he manages his finances, it's as if the dreaded R-word (retirement, if you're wondering) will never happen to him. I, on the other hand, am a worrier. I worry about not having a big retirement fund, I worry about losing my job, and I worry about not having a sizable bank account that I can fall back on in case of emergencies.

When it comes to our attitudes towards our finances, we are as incompatible as oil and water. But thankfully, we agreed early on in our relationship to keep our finances separate. The fact that we've decided not to have children also makes it easier for us to manage our money.

GREAT EXPECTATIONS

But what if things were a little more complicated? Say for instance, your partner may find himself in a position where he is suddenly unable to contribute to a dual-income household (due to circumstances beyond his control), and you find yourself shouldering the household expenses alone. And what if he seems to be in no rush to find a new job, or is reluctant to at least be a gig worker until he finds a permanent role?

Such situations can be fraught with tension and stress. You might find yourself trapped, unable to quit a job you dislike because you have become the sole breadwinner. Or, your spouse might think you are not being understanding of their problems and accuse you of asking them to "settle".