FAMILY FUNNIES

A GRAB BAG OF 64 JOKES ABOUT THE PEOPLE WE KNOW AND LOVE BEST—FOR BETTER OR WORSE

ON WHAT’S GOT HIM THROUGH THE PANDEMIC

Food, family and TV. Not necessarily in that order.

—EUGENE LEVY

ON HAVING A FAMOUS DAD

In high school people would ask me if American Pie was based on my life. My life was not that interesting. There were no pies involved.

—DAN LEVY

KIDS KNOW BEST

DAD TO TWEEN: Nobody puts baby in a corner.

TWEEN: Why not? Aren't babies safer in a corner?

-@DADMISSIONS

MOM: Do you want the baby to be a boy or a girl?

KID: I want the baby to be Batman.

-@FOODIEANDFAMILY

SON: This song said a bad word.

ME: You know not to repeat it.

SON: I know, but I am saying it in my brain.

-@EMBROLEAR

PARENT: How was your first day of second grade?

KID: I survived. And I can't wait to get my farts out.

-@JANEGALLAGHER17

My two-year-old said she is a grown-up. I told her no, she isn't, she's a toddler.

She replied, “No, I'm a grown-up. I'm going to touch knives.

-@JESSOKFINE

I tried to explain to my four-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. He's still making fun of me.

-VOXPOP.COM

My daughter says every boy in the world has a penis, even Santa. So sad for her to one day learn that there's no such thing as Santa's penis.

-ADAM SCOTT, ACTOR