KAREN CHAPELLE, a 50-year-old metalwork artist in Toronto, has always had trouble saying no when people ask her for favours. Usually, she’ll respond with a knee-jerk yes—and just as often find herself regretting it.
“It’s a natural thing for me to want to help people,” says Chapelle. “It’s a good feeling to be useful and needed.” The problem, she adds, is that she has unintentionally trained everyone in her life to expect a yes to their requests, no matter what they are.
Chapelle knows her ‘okaying’ to favours, whether requested by coworkers, friends or her family, often at the expense of her own finances, time or mental health, isn’t good for her. But it’s been a hard habit to break.
Many of us get sucked into saying yes—even when we’d really rather not—to avoid conflict, because we feel sorry for others, or because we even feel ashamed when we put ourselves first. If you have difficulty figuring out when, or how, to say no, here are some tips for breaking the cycle of what one psychologist calls “the disease to please.”
PRIORITIZE YOUR TIME
Learning how to take better care of yourself often goes hand in hand with learning that you’re allowed to put your own needs and wants first, and that doing so doesn’t make you a jerk. In fact, consistently putting yourself last is likely to leave you drained and annoyed—a sure path to jerky behaviour.
Denne historien er fra August 2021-utgaven av Reader's Digest India.
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Denne historien er fra August 2021-utgaven av Reader's Digest India.
Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.
Allerede abonnent? Logg på
READER'S DIGEST-BOOKS
These book summaries highlight Siddharthya Roy's exploration of conflict and violence, Michael Castleman's deep dive into the history of publishing, and Swadesh Deepak's examination of social issues and masculinity through Hindi literature.
Man with printed sarong
A lawyer, pianist, critic, and mentor to artists, Lionel Wendt is best known for his photographs of Sri Lanka, especially those of people indigenous to the island, captured amidst the lush landscape or posing in his studio.
Too Much?
New studies show that even moderate drinking is a health hazard. Here’s a frank look at the toll alcohol takes on the body
ME & MY SHELF
Coimbatore-born Prashanth Srivatsa is a science fiction/fantasy writer whose stories have appeared in magazines such as Asimov’s, Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction and Three-Lobed Burning Eye, among others. Prashanth’s debut fantasy novel, The Spice Gate chronicles the journey of Amir, a young man born with special abilities who unravels the power that keeps the world in balance. magazines such as Asimov's, Magazine of Fantasy Science Fiction and Three-Lobed Burning Eye, among others. Prashanth’s debut fantasy novel, The Spice Gate chronicles the journey of Amir, a young man born with special abilities who unravels the power that keeps the world in balance.
Small Business, Big Heart
Caring for people is part of the deal at family-run shops
Spill the Beans
Everyone has secrets. Here's why you should share yours
It Happens ONLY IN INDIA
Angry lovers are like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get.
FULL STEAM AHEAD!
I GOT THE CHANCE TO DRIVE THE WORLD'S LAST SCHEDULED STEAM TRAIN
Stressed and Worn Down
More and more people are clenching and grinding their teeth. Here's what to do about it
THIS BACON FAKERY MUST STOP
I was recently given bacon-flavoured dental floss for my birthday.