DOLORES PIAN DIDN’T want to believe her friend could be a bad person. They’d been close since 2000, when the two met at an event for work. About five years ago, though, the 59-year-old interior designer started questioning why this friend was always mean to her—and only to her— at get-togethers. When Pian’s feelings were obviously hurt by an insult, the friend would respond by buying Pian a gift or taking her out for dinner.
Somewhere along the line, Pian started rationalizing her friend’s behaviour: If her pal could recognize her bad behaviour and make amends, surely the next gathering would be better. Or maybe if Pian was even nicer herself, the nastiness would stop. Pian stuck around, a response she says came from the high expectations she’d had early on for their bond. “You kind of create a lie to keep the illusion,” she explains.
We deceive ourselves from time to time—or sometimes on an ongoing basis—about major parts of our lives. We do it to stay comfortable or to avoid the inconvenience of making a big change. Ultimately, though, learning how to be honest with yourself can pay huge dividends.
Lean on Friends
According to a 2016 study in Social Psychological and Personality Science, when it comes to self-perception we tend to assume others view us positively, and usually correctly guess when someone feels that way. We are less adept, however, at recognizing when we leave negative impressions. As a result, it’s easy to stay deluded about our undesirable traits unless we’re directly told otherwise.
Denne historien er fra November 2020-utgaven av Reader's Digest India.
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Denne historien er fra November 2020-utgaven av Reader's Digest India.
Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.
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From the King's Table to Street Food: A Food History of Delhi
Pushpesh Pant, one of India’s pre-eminent food writers, is back with a comprehensive food history of the capital.
Who Wants Coffee?
It’s bitter—but beloved around the world
Prevent The Pain Of Shingles
You don't have to suffer, as long as you take two important steps
The Best And Worst Diets For Your Heart
Dozens of diets are touted as ‘best’, but it’s easy to lose track of the fact that healthy eating needs to be about overall wellness, not just weight loss.
ME & MY SHELF
Journalist Sopan Joshi has worked in a science and environment framework for nearly three decades. His book Mangifera indica: A Biography of the Mango (Aleph Book Company) synthesizes the sensory appeal of India's favourite fruit with its elaborate cultural roots and natural history. He writes in English and Hindi.
SWITCHED
In 1962, nurses at a small Canadian hospital sent home two women with the wrong babies. Then, 50 years later, their children discovered the shocking mistake.
ECHOES OF THE PAST
A VISIT TO THE ANCIENT BARABAR CAVES IN BIHAR REVEALS A SURPRISING CONNECTION TO A LITERARY CLASSIC
Fathers of the Bride
A young woman finds a unique way to honour the many men who helped her survive her childhood
Fiction's Foresight
British-Bangladeshi author Manzu Islam's works reveal startling parallels to recent political upheavals in Bangladesh, begging the question: Besides helping us make sense of our world, can stories also offer a glimpse into the future?
It Happens ONLY IN INDIA
The Divine Defence Picture this: A tractor in Rajasthan‘s Banswara district,a group of loan agents closing in to seize it and the defaulting farmer and his family standing by.
