A Warning From The Future On The State Of Britain's Water

It was the year 2038, and Jim McMahon, the deputy prime minister, was struggling to make himself heard over the shouts of Conservative ● and Liberal Democrat activists complaining about raw sewage being pumped into rivers and onto beaches.

- JOHN RENTOUL

"This is not straightforward," he said, "but I take this issue extremely seriously and things need to change. That's why we have developed this plan, and we are committed to delivering the progress that people want to see."

To his horror, he realised he was using the same words Therese Coffey had used 14 years earlier, when his Green and pleasant Land Department was still known as the Department for the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs. Guiltily, he remembered that time, just before the local elections in 2023, when he had led an opposition debate, demanding "an end to the Tory sewage scandal, at no cost to households".

How had that worked out, he asked himself sarcastically, while the leader of the Conservative front organisation Extinction Rebellion launched into a long tirade. Well, he had been hoping to get a different job when the minority Labour government took office, but Rachel Reeves, the new prime minister, had told him he was doing such a good job that he should take over the department for which he had prepared so well.